HARRY BERNSTEIN---EULOGY
Harry Bernstein grew up in
It seems like when someone
dies, they become angels, No one can say a bad word about them. But, even when
Harry was here with us, no one could say a bad word about him. Because, it
seems everyone who knew him felt they were his best friend. He had that kind of
way about him. You could place him in a room with a group of strangers, and by the
end of the night, they were all Harry’s
friends. He was a gentle soul. He’d do anything for anyone—family
or friend. Even when he was going through chemo, he’d drive his Aunt Mary
around, because she liked how he drove her. How did Aunt Mary get here today?
Harry would want to know. He did so much for so many, in a quiet, dignified
subtle way. He has supported Granada House in Allston for many years, helping
to care for the downtrodden, drug addicts who were trying to make it. He would
go out of his way to thank family and friends if they invited him into their
home for a meal, or get together. Harry would bring his traditional fruit
basket or a gift certificate to a restaurant, or maybe some baked goods. Anyway
that he could say thanks for including him as a part of their family. Maybe he
didn’t realize just how much everyone loved having Harry there. He
didn’t need to bring anything more than his knowing smirk, and his biting
wit. And, he loved to eat. Whether it was blintzes at Aunt Lillians, lasagna from Aunt Mary, or Italian S Cookies from
Aunt Josie. He’d eat, have a few beers, and be great company.
The saddest thing is that
this man, who appreciated the finest gourmet foods, was unable to eat for the
final months of his life. Ironically, he watched the food channel, to see, as
he put it, “foods that I can’t eat.” His razor sharp wit
stayed with him to the very end, as did his appetite for life.
He loved to
travel—going to
For relatives of Harry, we
all had quite the surprise when we gathered with his friends, after God called
him away. His personal life
remained a mystery to many of us. Harry evidently had relationships for years
with different women, but never told any relatives. He never even mentioned to
any of us ever going on a date. We thought he was some kind of hermit. His cousin Jimmy Bucciarelli
said, “He never mentioned women to any of his relatives.” His pal Peter McGrath replied,
“That was part of his genius.”
Harry had his wild
times. In fact, since this is a PG
rated eulogy, we’ll use the Reader’s Digest version. You should see what I had to discard.
There was the time that Joe Ryan, and Joe Giovangelo
and Harry went out on the
His friend Peter said that Harry, “had an intellectual ability far beyond most
people. He also had more common sense than anyone I ever met. He knew how to
come into a room, what to say, and when to leave. It was easy to think he
wasn’t strong. But, he was stronger than most people.” Peter used to bounce off Harry things
that he thought about. “If it was something stupid, he’d just give
you that look.”
Harry worked at the Executive
Office of Elderly Affairs. He told
his friend Carol Marie McGrath that he spent his time there “acting
old.” Of course, he said he
was Carol’s second husband, “the one with no benefits.” He
called Carol Marie his “wayward nurse”, and would leave her
frequent messages asking her if she was keeping up with her cooking or doing
“domesticals.” Since she didn’t cook, he’d
leave messages for her poor husband Peter saying, “You’re having
pork chops tonight. But, you’re making them.”
Peter & Carol, with whom
he spent his final months, said 25 people called him just after learning of Harry’s passing. “They were all crying and
saying he was their best friend.” He had a dozen friends from his real
estate years, and a dozen friends from the hospital years before that. Everyone
felt he was the nicest person to work with. He would smile in the face of any
obstacle. Yet, he spoke his mind, in a clever, understated, yet effective way. When a supervisor at the hospital
complained to him every day, he eventually had an answer for her. One day, when
she came in complaining as always, he put on a woman’s flowered shower
cap. When she asked why he had on a flowered women’s shower cap, he replied,
“I put it on because I didn’t want my brains to leak out like yours
obviously did.” Yes, indeed
he could cut with elegant sarcasm.
When his mom complained about putting on a few pounds, she’d line
their home with delicious homemade pies. She’d say, “I don’t
know how I’m gaining weight, I’m only eating one slice.”
He’d say, “But you have a slice from every pie.”
He loved a good time. He and a couple of his pals
“adopted” an order of nuns. Peter and Harry befriended Sister
Charles, an organizer who raised millions for
Harry had a great
humility. He was full of
self-deprecating humor. And, he was truly a magnificent friend. When Peg called
from
As his friend Peter said,
“If you did anything for him, he was worried about you.” He never complained, even while going
through the nightmare of his particular cancer. In his worst days, if you asked
him how he was doing he’d reply, “Pretty suckily”,
but with a smile.
Despite his Italian and
Jewish blood, there’s no question that in Heaven today, Harry’s up there drinking green beer for St. Patrick’s day. Please join me in fighting back the
tears of our loss, and doing what Harry would want you to do---Smile. God is waiting with a Coors Light for
our relative and friend, Harry Bernstein.
3/17/10